To celebrate recovery we must first recognize that we have something to recover from. Recovery requires us to remove the mask and stop trying to hide our imperfections, struggles and sin. Only then can we enjoy the freeing truth that in Christ a lone we are completely righteous. In Christ we are free to fail, because Christ imputed His righteousness to us. We can't become any more perfect or righteous. God Himself has said it is so (2 Cor 5:21)
Christian Recovery Devotional
My friend, James Dinsmore, knows all about the mask and the freedom that comes when one courageously begins to remove his/her masks. A very articulate and creative writer, he has chronicled much of his own personal recovery in a 365 day daily devotional. This devotional includes a daily scripture reading, combined with deep personal insight into the meaning of the scripturte and personalized prayer to apply the scripture to your life (by the power of the Holy Spirit).
Below, James has graciously shared his personal testimony of finding freedom in Christ so that others might celebrate recovery, be encouraged and benefit from what God alone has done in His life...
Anyone in Christ is a New Creation
I was a real mess; but thank God for 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he becomes a new creation…” If you saw me ten years ago, you would have seen a man who appeared to have it all together on the outside: technical profession, deacon, Sunday school teacher, a workaholic at Church and business. However, my marriage had degenerated into a cold war. I was pharisaical and harsh, a critical and bitter man, legalistic and miserable.
Identifying the Problem
The problem, there was a blockage between my head knowledge about God and my heart, and a duplicity of character. I carried terrible soul wounds from childhood that corrupted my identity and sense of self. I had taken white knuckling and self-discipline to its highest level of falsehood, living a veneer of Christianity over a heart of self-loathing depravity. I had been addicted to pornography since I stumbled upon it at age 14. It put me in an endless cycle of lust, acting out and repentance that left me feeling defeated.
I would try to compensate by being over spiritual, which panned out hypocrisy and double-mindedness. My rebellion and sin had given great license to the Enemy of my soul to build strongholds in my life, which are essentially areas of self-deception and delusion. Many times I had come to God to fix my behavior; but His quality of workmanship required stripping me down in a complete overhaul, what I call my nervous breakdown.
Seeds of Deception
What I had been suppressing for years finally came to the surface: I hated and rejected my male identity since childhood. Maybe it began with the perception that my sisters were praised for the smallest things, and I was criticized for everything. When pornography dominated my life, I became weary of chasing a fantasy that was outside reality and beyond my reach, so much so I began to hate women for teasing me so. For such a misfit, who longed to make sense of why he was always a square peg in a round hole, a man who could never connect on the deeper level who longed to be known, it only made sense to chalk it up to sexual orientation.
For several months I tried very hard to ‘fit in’ with the homosexual community, only to see too easily through its superficial happiness into its secret misery. I fought many times with suicidal impulses. When I finally hit rock bottom in a homeless shelter, next to drunks and drug addicts and the mentally ill, it dawned on me that I had been more willing to kill myself than to really hand over my heart and soul and will to Jesus Christ.
Recovery Begins as Intimacy with God is Developed
It was then that I began to know true intimacy with God, and my journey of recovery began. I learned to receive what God had already done for me through Jesus’ death and resurrection; and I learned the humility to seek help from counselors and godly Christians, to live transparently in accountable relationships.
I am not perfect; but I am a completely rebuilt man, who knows who he is and where he is going, a pilgrim on the path to maturity in Christ. Light dispels darkness, and it took being saturated with the truth of God’s Word and the indwelling of His Holy Spirit to transform my life.
The Fruit of a Life Being Restored
Many years of journaling through my recovery were distilled into my JMD Recovery Devotional book so that others could celebrate recovery and gain insight for life by sharing the journey. The emphatic message is that sexuality is a choice, change is possible and that there is hope and wholeness in Jesus Christ. My wife suffered a lot over our 28 years of marriage, and God has rewarded her patience and loyalty by making me more and more into the man of her dreams; rebuilding love, trust and intimacy: there is hope for any marriage! You can be a new creation in Him.
