Christian singles, do you want to maximize your relationship success? Then learn how to pick people with godly character traits…as well as be a person of godly character!
Let’s take a look at what healthy and satisfying relationships look like…
Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach in their book Safe People that healthy relationships…
- Are safe — emotionally, physically
- Have boundaries that are respected
- Draw you closer to God — helping Christian singles to grow spiritually.
- Do not compromise your Christian values
In healthy relationships you will feel:
- Built up — the relationship helps you become who God wants you to be.
- Drawn closer to others in a healthy way
- Mutual trust, respect, vulnerability, and balanced sense of give and take.
Christian singles, you will experience healthy and satisfying relationships by looking for a mate based on Christian principles and choosing to be a person of godly character.
It is common even for Christian singles to be attracted to the outside of a person: their looks, their status, their achievements, and their intelligence. But it is the inside of a person that we experience in relationships.
The time to evaluate character in others is before you get too deeply involved. As Cloud and Townsend say, “When the attachment deepens, the reasoning weakens.” The scriptures warn us to “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23.
What kind of character traits should Christian singles look for?
Ruth and Boaz, two singles from the Bible, exemplify the kind of character traits to look for in a potential mate.
Ruth’s character traits were: devotion to God and to family — the evidence of her character was in her actions. She was humble and teachable. She was focused on her responsibilities. Her faith was in God to provide for her — she trusted Him for a future spouse. She was a woman of her word. She did what she said she would do.
Boaz was devoted to God and to his farming responsibilities. He did not let his heart become entangled and he was not distracted from his priorities. He was a man of his word. He did what he said he would do. He was a Christ-type — he exemplified the character and work of Christ – especially in his act of redemption for Ruth.
Christian singles Ruth and Boaz both…
- Depended on God
- Followed His commands
- Reflected His character
Becoming a person of character requires that you take ownership
You are the only one that can do it. If you have a pattern of painful relationships take an honest look at your own character traits. To find someone who can connect with you, you must be able to connect. To find someone with good boundaries you must be willing to set Boundaries in Dating
Once you have acknowledged your own negative patterns of behavior in relationships take them to the Lord and confess them for what they are…sin
Once you’ve identified the problems, make a plan to change. If it’s poor boundaries read a book. Set some limits. Develop a support system. Nurture the relationships that you have. Share a little bit more of who you are with safe people. Learn to take risks.
Take care of personal baggage
If you have unresolved issues such as trauma, abuse, abandonment or neglect and you recognize a pattern of painful relationships–find someone who will help you like a pastor or a counselor.
When people have been traumatized by these things as children, they often need to make Changes that Heal in order to function well in close relationships in the future.
Finally, Christian singles need a plan for spiritual growth. God’s primary work in each of us is to conform us to the image of Christ. As you devote yourself to God and His word, and yield to His Holy Spirit, your character will change.
My final word to Christian singles is make knowing and loving God a priority in your life and look for a potential mate who has committed to the same thing.