Category Archives: Marriage Help

Interpersonal Relationship Tips

Interpersonal Communication In this article on interpersonal relationship tips you will learn….

Four Steps to improving your relationships.

We spend about 80% of our time communicating, yet most of us have spent very little time learning how to communicate well. If you want to improve your relationships, you must improve your communication skills.

First, Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone (Colossians 4:6).

My husband and I have a saying that goes, “Some people talk just to hear their marble rattle.”

You know, like the marbles in a paint can that rattle, rattle, rattle while you’re shaking up the paint.

Good relationships are more likely to develop when you the speaker don’t spend valuable time and energy grumbling and complaining about what bothers you. Nobody enjoys listening to a complainer, so examine the content of your speech and determine what it is that you talk about the most. Then decide whether your words are full of grace.

Second, Ecclesiastes 6:11 says The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone? Have you ever talked to someone who doesn’t let you get in a word edgewise? We all know someone who totally dominates the conversation…

What about you? Have you ever listened to yourself speak? Conversation, like relationship, is built on give and take. You say a little, then the other person responds. The other person says something, then you respond. Like playing a game of tennis. A tennis racquet used to take turns hitting the ball

back and forth over the net. Each person participates in a more or less balanced conversation. An interpersonal relationship is built on balance.

Third, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19). Someone said that listening is 90% of communication. Of course hearing is not the same as listening. Active listening means we take an active role in communicating. Hearing on the other hand is a function of our physiology. Active listening requires the listener to care about what the other person is saying…that is a requirement for good relationships.

The person who actively listens, listens out of empathy and other centeredness, rather than self-centeredness. Active listening reminds us that communication is mostly about relationships, not simply an exchange of information.

Finally, Ephesians 4:29 says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Wow! What if we all did that.

1. 1. Don’t use coarse language. Don’t say offensive things.
  2. Use your words to build up other people.

How often do you or those you have personal relationships with talk about the negatives? How often do you complain about what someone did or didn’t do? Paul is admonishing us to make building others up the focus of our conversations.

Be sure to use your words to build others up and not tear them down. The Bible has lots to tell us about how to do interpersonal relationships right.

Communication Skill Exercises From the Bible

The Bible has much to offer in the way of communication skill exercises, particularly the book of Proverbs. In this article you will find some practical help on how to apply this divine wisdom from Proverbs to better your communication skills.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones (Proverbs 3:7-8)

Don’t Be Wise in Your Own Eyes

The first directive is “Don’t be wise in your own eyes.” What does being wise in your own eyes look like? This is someone who has already determined that they have the right or best solution to a problem. This person thinks highly of their own opinion and therefore does not really take time to listen to an opposing opinion. And if they do, they will often be arguing with the speaker in their head, preparing their rebuttal. This makes it nearly impossible to really hear the speaker and actually connect with them.

If there is someone in your life that you have communication problems with, a good communication skill exercise would be to simply practice listening to them. I say simply, listening is an active skill that requires self control, patience and love.

As you practice listening, you may find that you need to work on calming the dialogue in your head. Quieting your thoughts may be more difficult to do than listening. But if you practice this and become good at it, you will gain a major advantage in improving your relationships.

Communication Lessons from Proverbs

Pay attention and gain understanding. (Proverbs 4:1b) A great communication skill exercise is to pay attention to the communication skills of those you respect. Pay attention to what they do: how they speak, how they listen, what their body language is like, etc. Take time to intentionally practice with others what you observed.

Get wisdom…and she will watch over you…wisdom is supreme. (Proverbs 4:5-7) Don’t just observe people you respect, but be assertive…ask them to give you feedback on how you can improve your communication skills. Getting wisdom means being active in attaining it and then being intentional in applying it.

Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. (Proverbs 4:24) Another excellent communication skill exercise is to monitor your own speech. Have you ever listened to what comes out of your mouth? Is it full of grace and useful for encouraging others? Would you want those you respect the most to overhear your private conversations? Learn to use your words to bring glory to God every time you speak.

With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. (Proverbs 7:21) How do you use your words? Frequently, our words are used to manipulate and control others. Human beings have a strong independent and selfish streak in them. Think of little children who begin at a very young age to use their words to get what they want from Mom and Dad. Adults may be a little more sophisticated but the motivation is the same. Manipulation however is very detrimental to healthy relationships. Pray about this and ask God to show you whether you use your words to manipulate others.

The man of integrity walks securely…(Proverbs 10:9) Integrity, what a beautiful character quality. When we act with integrity we will have a clear conscience. A clear conscience is a valuable commodity! It doesn’t mean that we are perfect, it just means that we are acting with honesty and with the best interest of others in mind. When we act and speak with integrity we can walk with confidence. Having integrity will eliminate many unnecessary worries and feelings of guilt.

Proverbs tells us there are many benefits to seeking wisdom including good health! If you want to learn to communicate better, keep searching through Proverbs for more great wisdom and communication skill exercises.

Tips For Single Christians Dating

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Tips for Singles Single Christians dating need to learn how to pick people with godly character traits…as well as be a person of godly character!

Being a Christian and member of a church does not inoculate you from being drawn into an unhealthy relationship. In this article on Christian dating tips you will find…

What character traits to look for in a potential date.
How to recognize the signs of a healthy relationship.
One question single Christians dating can ask themselves that will powerfully guide them in making the right dating decisions.

As always we look to the scriptures for our help. In the book of Ruth we find the story of Ruth and Boaz…two Christian singles.

The story opens onto a scene where Naomi (Ruth’s mother-in-law) is at a crossroads in her life. Her husband has died. Both of her sons (one of whom was Ruth’s husband) have also died. Naomi is in despair and decides to go back home to Bethlehem in Judah.

In her despair, Naomi tries to push Ruth and Orpah, her daughters-in-law away. She entreats them to stay in Moab. But despite Naomi’s weeping and wailing, Ruth insists on remaining with Naomi. Orpah, however, retreats and turns back.

Ruth demonstrates responsibility, courage, maturity and loyalty in her determination to remain with Naomi. After all, Bethlehem was not her home town, the Jews were not her people…

When they arrive in Bethlehem, Ruth, consistent with her vow to Naomi in chapter 1, goes and finds a job gleaning in a barley field. Gleaning was picking up whatever grain was left behind by the harvesters. Gleaning was the work of very poor people.

In the field Ruth “just happens” to meet Boaz. He is a wealthy relative of Naomi’s dead husband. Listen to what Boaz’s foreman had to say about Ruth’s character: “She said, Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters. She went into the field and has worked steadily from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter.”

Boaz discovers that Ruth is a hard worker, who takes seriously her vow to care for her mother-in-law. Ruth did not come expecting a handout. She came with a willing heart to work.

Now let’s take a look at the character traits of Boaz…verses 8-12 in chapter 2 speak volumes about Boaz. Listen to what Boaz says to Ruth: My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.

Boaz is the prototype of true masculinity. While Ruth is working in his fields he protects her. He provides for her. He treats her with the utmost respect. Later on Boaz compliments Ruth’s willingness to provide for Naomi and blesses her in the name of the Lord. It’s likely for Ruth that this feels like the beginning of a safe relationship. Single Christians need good information on how to build healthy relationships.

It’s interesting to note that Boaz builds Ruth up. He does not offer empty platitudes or flirtatious remarks that make her feel compromised or uncomfortable. His remarks communicate his respect for Ruth and her priorities.

How does Ruth respond to Boaz’s graciousness…

Ruth responds with humility and thankfulness. Ruth is not too proud to except Boaz’s provision for her and Naomi. Neither is she embarrassed by her needy situation. She is willing to do what it takes and receives Boaz’s kindness as the blessing that it is from the Lord.

Most importantly, this appears to be the beginning of a relationship which will draw her closer to God and affirm her beliefs and her values. Single Christians dating need to avoid relationships that compromise their Christian values.

Throughout the book of Ruth, Boaz continues to express great integrity. Ruth is the new girl on the block. She is not familiar with the customs of the Jews and Boaz is sensitive to her emotional vulnerability. He tells his men be gentle with her. He offers her grace when she makes mistakes. In healthy relationships people feel safe to be themselves. They feel safe enough to make mistakes, because the expectation is not perfection.

Selecting the right mate is a decision that will affect the quality of the rest of your life. For more christian dating advice from the book of Ruth click here.