Christian Counseling Online was designed with saving marriages in mind. Developing a plan for success is a requirement for saving marriages.

Having a successful marriage first requires you to understand what God had in mind for marriage. If you want to understand the purpose behind an invention you consult the One who designed it, right!

Marriage is God’s Creation, therefore He’s in the saving marriages business

On the other hand, if you are trying to use someone’s creation/invention for something other than what it was designed for, it is likely that thing will not operate as efficiently.

It is also likely to result in much frustration and conflict, like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It just isn’t happening.  So if you want to have a great marriage you first need to understand what God had in mind. Having a family law attorney that you can turn to for legal matters also helps in your marriage journey.

The Creator created marriage for 3 purposes

Marriage is the creation of God and He created it for very specific reasons…just like He created you…for very specific reasons. Therefore, God is in the business of saving marriages. Our lives are more satisfying when we cooperate with God in fulfilling our purposes. Marriage is no exception…

1. Your marriage relationship bears the image of God

First, you already know that men and women were made in God’s image (Gen. 1:26-27). But, did you know that together husbands and wives also bear the image of God? They do this by demonstrating love and faithfulness to each other…like God does with us. You see, God covenants with His people, Husbands and wives covenant to each other and God.

2. You were designed to experience and share God’s love and faithfulness

Second, one reason God created marriage was to meet human needs. Needs for food, shelter and clothing as well as needs for love, acceptance, intimacy, and faithfulness. In that way marriage is a picture to the world of how God provides for His people. Therefore, God is for saving marriages…afterall, they have His image stamped on them.

Marriage is God’s conduit for LOVE. It was designed to be a safe harbor where a man and a woman can be totally naked and unashamed. A place where they could experience the unconditional love and acceptance of God through each other.

3. You were designed for Kingdom work

Third, marriage is one of the ways God expands His Kingdom and accomplishes His work in the earth…He commanded men and women to go forth and multiply, be fruitful and take dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:28).

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to do as God commanded when you are at odds with your spouse. Conflict drains our emotional and creative energies. Sadly, many husbands and wives feel like they are sleeping with the enemy instead of with their comrade in arms…

Marriage was designed with unity in mind. When a husband and wife are on the same page, so to speak, they are reflecting the unity of the Godhead. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Unity is so important that Jesus told us it would be a great sign testifying about God…

So in summary, God designed the marriage relationship to:

• Bear His image in the earth
• Be an expression of His love and faithfulness.
• To advance His kingdom in the earth.

Okay, you’ve got the general idea about what God had in mind when He designed your marriage…But saving marriage requires a plan. You need a plan for saving or improving your marriage…

You Need to Commit to God’s Way

First, you need to decide, once and for all, are you going to commit to honoring God through your marriage. Are you going to close all exits and do it God’s way? Are you going to trust His word, His plan and His design? Okay, if you answered yes, let’s move on to…

Confess Your Sins One to Another…

If you’re making a plan to improve or save your marriage you need to start out on the right foot…Get right with God and your spouse first! Do this by confessing your sin…

Confession of sin can be a turning point in our lives. It means we are in agreement with God about our sin and we are choosing to turn away from it (by His grace.) When we do this, God’s word promises to give us the power to accomplish that.

Some of the things you may want to consider confessing are…

• The ways in which you have not trusted and honored Him
• The ways you have not obeyed His word.
• The consequences to you, your spouse and your marriage of your rebellion

Exercising humility is a crucial part of any saving marriages plan. Making confession of sin a regular part of your marriage will keep you humble and help to maintain emotional intimacy. Apologies go a long way in keeping our hearts pliable and loving towards our spouse and God.

Meet the Needs of Your Spouse…Intentionally!

The next step in the saving marriages blueprint is making a plan for knowing your spouse’s most important needs. You also must become intentional about meeting those needs.

Check out our marriage problems page for tools on meeting your spouse’s needs. Your spouse will (most likely) feel connected and in love with you when you are meeting his/her most important emotional needs.

Pray for Your Spouse

Pray that God would show His love and faithfulness to your spouse through you. Prayer is one way we experience the personal relationship with God through Christ. It is also where we avail ourselves to the grace of God. Therefore, your plan for saving marriage must include fervent prayer for your spouse and your ability to love them.

Be a Safe Spouse

A marriage that reflects God’s image is a safe marriage. God is our refuge, therefore your marriage should be a refuge for both you and your spouse. A safe relationship is one where both husband and wife feel accepted even if there are disagreements. A plan for saving marriages needs to include a plan for safety. Neither spouse should ever have to worry about the proverbial nuclear bomb being dropped on them!

That’s why a plan for saving marriages must address conflict. Your marriage can be free from condemnation, contempt, critical attitudes and defensiveness…it’s your choice! It can be a place where you are quick to take responsibility for your own actions and slow to point your finger of blame…it’s your choice!

It is not, however, a marriage that is free from conflict. But, yours can be a marriage where both parties fight fair…

Develop Goals for Your Marriage

Finally, your saving marriages plan needs to include specific goals. Goals that are written down. After all, God wrote down His plan…we call it the Bible! Isn’t that a good enough reason for you to write down your plan for your marriage. Written goals are powerful…they help move a plan into motion…

Keep in mind, your goals need to be consistent with God’s purpose for your marriage. Your goals will help you stay on track and give more purpose, meaning and direction to your marriage and family life….

You may want to have goals in the following areas…

• Spiritual (we will study and pray together regularly…)
• Parenting (we will always be unified when disciplining the children…)
• Finances (we will decide on a budget and stick to it…)
• Health (we will exercise regularly and eat right…)
• Communication (we will speak lovingly and respectfully to one another…)

Well, that should be enough to get you started developing your own personal saving marriages plan. If you feel you would benefit from some additional help in developing your plan for a successful marriage click here to find a therapist…

Remember, the creator of marriage is in the business of saving marriages. May God richly bless you and direct your path by the light of His word!

5 Principles Every Couple Needs to Know

Are you looking for solid marriage advice from a Biblical perspective? This article explains the 5 most common problems that plague marriages.

There is lot’s of marriage advice out there – advice that will never touch on some very important core issues. Without understanding these 5 core issues to all marriage problems you will be at a grave disadvantage. Couples  of faith understand that they need Biblically sound marriage principles, not just run of the mill marriage advice if they are to fight marriage enemy #1.

Sadly, 50% of couples are divorcing. Add to that number those who are separating and not reconciling and the number soars to 66%. Additionally, research shows only 25% of couples are truly happy. With numbers like these, We can’t deny that couples are in a serious battle for their marriages.

Some research shows that people of faith are also experiencing severe marital problems. This tells us some thing is terribly wrong. Would you agree? I mean, it just doesn’t make sense that people who have faith in God would be experiencing the same patterns of divorce and other marriage problems as those with no faith in the Almighty.

Though this article is not intended to explore the various reasons that might explain this pattern, we can’t ignore this condundrum. Therefore, the first piece of marriage advice I can give you is this: If you and your spouse are on a destructive marriage path then the most important thing to do is to take inventory of your relationship with God. The Shema in Deuteronomy 6:5 says, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.”

Beyond, testing yourself to see if you are in the faith, making sure that loving and serving God are your highest priorities there are 5 core Biblically based marriage advice principles that are important to grasp.

Understanding and applying these principles can help you have a great marriage that satisfies you and glorifies God.

1. Your struggle is primarily against your own flesh.

Okay, you’ve read it. Now I want you to say it, out loud. Yes, right now, say it. Come on, this is important!

“My struggle in my marriage is really with myself.”

Now, I’ll explain this in more detail, but it is critical that you remember this principle. And remind yourself often (say it out loud!) This principle is so important because…

It is so easy to start seeing your spouse as the enemy. We start fighting against each other instead of keeping our eyes fixed on our Redeemer God.

Like little lost sheep we tend to lose our focus very quickly. Again, this isn’t just marriage advice, this is truth that we must learn to live by.

“Okay” you say, “so if our battle is not against flesh and blood, what or who is it against?

2. You must recognize your own evil inclinations.

The second marriage advice principle comes from Genesis 3:6 which states “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate…” Despite the fact the God was very clear about the matter of not eating the fruit, Eve wanted her own way…she wanted to satisfy the lusts of her own flesh. She was not thinking about how to please and honor God or her husband.

What kind of conflict do you think erupted after Eve and Adam ate the fruit and were banned by God from the garden? Can you imagine some of the choice words they might have had with each other?

Sound familiar? The point is this — caving to the lusts of the flesh destroys marriages by causing conflict. That combined with our own selfish natures (we prefer to blame rather than take responsibility) results in many marriage battles.

Just remember, marriage problems are a consequence of the fall. So my marriage advice to you is remember that you are in a battle and that your own evil inclinations are often the the thing that arouses conflict in your marriage. There are 3 more Biblical Marriage Advice principles that couples should understand.

 

 

Marriage problems tend to run the gamut, but there are some pretty common problems that tend to be issues for the majority of couples. Let me introduce you to the solutions to five common marriage problems…

The first one, you guessed it, is communication problems. Ask yourself the question, “Do you feel that your spouse understands and knows you?” Many couples endure a profound sense of being misunderstood, not being liked or not being accepted by their spouse. Often times this problem is largely due to poor communication. Does that ring true for you?

To have a healthy marriage you need to be a good communicator.

Second, along those same lines is intimacy problems. Ask yourself whether you feel really close, safe and unified with your spouse? What about different areas of intimacy such as emotional, spiritual and physical? Rate those on a scale of 0-10. Zero being I have no sense of closeness or intimacy. Ten being I couldn’t feel closer, safer or more unified with my spouse.

To overcome marriage problems you need to have intimacy.

Third, one of the purposes of marriage is to meet the emotional needs of the members of the marriage covenant. Speaking of needs, do you know what your top 3 emotional needs are? What about your spouse’s top 3 emotional needs?

Knowing and intentionally meeting the needs of your spouse is critical to maintaining a healthy, satisfying marriage. It is also critical to affair proofing your marriage.

To have a great marriage you need to meet your spouse’s emotional needs.

Fourth, ask yourself, “Do you feel loved by your spouse? Does your spouse feel loved by you?” By the way, did you notice I didn’t say, do you know whether your spouse loves you…

That’s because whether you know it or not, it’s important to EXPERIENCE love from your spouse! Not feeling love in a marriage is one of the most dangerous marriage problems out there. To have a great marriage you need to speak your spouse’s love language…in other words you need to communicate your love the way your spouse best experiences it.

To have a great marriage you need speak your spouse’s love language.

Fifth, did you know that 40%-70% of marriages decline in overall marital satisfaction after the children arrive. Wow! But if you have children, you may have already suspected that.

That leads us to our next issue which is parenting. Do you feel like you and your spouse are on the same team when it comes to parenting? Differences in parenting styles, blended family issues, and simply the added stress of children can complicate your marriage.

Overcome your marriage problems by becoming parenting partners!

 Related Posts for You:

• Love Language

Are you looking for relationship help? This article discusses some of the key issues you need to know to have relationship success.

You Were Made in God’s Image

Here you will find relationship help tools for improving intimacy. Because you were made in the image of the Triune God, you were made for intimacy. Listen to what God said… “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness (Genesis 1:26).

Who’s He talking about? “Let us”, “in our”? God is talking about the Trinity. He is the Triune God. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit: He is in perfect and harmonious relationship with Himself! And since it is in His image that you were made, He has much to offer you in the way of relationship help.

Healthy Relationships begin with …

Understanding our need for emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy, though males and females experience it differently, is the primary need for both sexes. Emotional intimacy between two people looks like…

• Being known deep down and accepted
• Being able to share your dreams, hopes and desires
• Being able to share your strongest and most profound feelings

Healthy, satisfying and lasting intimacy requires an attachment or bond between people that creates a safe and secure environment. For couples, that relationship begins while dating. King David’s Psalm teaches us that our ability to form healthy intimate relationships begins at our mother’s breast and even impacts our ability to trust God.

If we are having relationship problems, it may also mean we need relationship assistance with God. Intimacy or relationship problems are often rooted in attachment issues.

Click here to learn more about attachment theory and how you can improve intimacy within your marriage relationship.

Related Posts For You:

• Relationship Problems
• Interpersonal Relationship
• Nonverbal Communication Skills